I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
