Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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