He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
