MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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