Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
