Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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