he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
