I smell stomach acid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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