you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
