So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
