I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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