Kareoke will never be a sober sport
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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