I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
