I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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