if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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