I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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