Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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