Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
