i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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