Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
