Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize