There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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