Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
