I hate all girls vehemently.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
