the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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