Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize