I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
