he thought i was a dude.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
