i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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