thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
