I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
