Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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