Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
