i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
