So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
