he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
