you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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