Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
