A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
