This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i will never coherently bang her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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