The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
