party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
