But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We had to coat check the pizza.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
