He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
