Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
