Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
