I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
