Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize