It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You have to summon your inner elephant
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
