I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
