Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
