I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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