If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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