saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
