Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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