is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
