Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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