dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
