Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
