My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
