the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
