Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
