I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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