look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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