The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
