This is not my ceiling
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
