Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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