pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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