im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
