I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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