the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
